?

Log in

This is the tale...

...of an old married couple. they live in a retirement park far far away from their children. One day they decide to go to the doctor's office, as old people are wont to do. When they return home, husband asks, "Wife, where are your house keys?" In the house- where are husband's keys? On the key ring with the car keys which are at the body shop where the car is having repairs (they are driving a rented Mustang..don't ask). "Wife, where is the cell phone?" In the house being charged (should be charged by now!)

This old married couple, husband 79 soon to be 80, and wife of 77, live in a retirement park. Do you think they would go to any one of their neighbors (they are home..they are retired) to use a phone to call a locksmith? Oh no! They grew up in the Depression and raised seven children. They are a resourceful couple and haven't yet lived long enough to provide their grandchildren with twice-told tales.

"Wife, are all the doors and windows locked?" Why no, the bathroom window is not locked. And so this man of 5 feet 11 inches proceeds to break into his home by climbing through a small window. And his wife, by his side. waiting to assist? No, she has found a wire and is attempting to jimmy open the lock on the door. Husband manages to squeeze himself through the window after shedding some clothes. He opens the door and exclaims, "Honey, I'm home!"

Meanwhile, their next door neighbor saunters over. "Need any help?"





I got this email from my aunt today. 

HAH!

Today I caught my brother singing and dancing to "Mamma Mia!"

I think I have the most amazing brother ever.

Because Everyone Should

Right now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you have something to make you smile.
King: I HAZ PORK. EAT IT.
Woman and her Sons: NUU! WE SHAL NOT DISSOBAY GOD CAT!
King: THN U WIL DYE!
All Sons Except Youngest: *die horrible, gruesome deaths involving dismemberment, flaying, and boiling in oil*
Youngest: Ya so im kinda not intoo ths hole DEATH thingie.
King: EAT DA BACON N B MAH ADVIZOR!
Woman: DIE FOR GOD CAT, N00BLET.
Youngest: AYEAYE! *dies a horrible, gruesome death involving dismemberment, flaying, and boiling in oil*
King: Bitch.
Woman: *dies a horrible, gruesome death yadda yadda yadda*
Mother Goose: The moral of this story is: death sucks. Pork sucks more. Kapische?

Kinda a grody Bible passage, but it gets the message across. *shrug*

Tags:

The Gospel of John According to Sara

Sometime last week we were talking about a passage in the Gospel of John in Religion, where Phillistines confront Jesus about healing a guy on the Sabbath. For those of you who are not Christian or have not had Catholic school forced upon you, it goes something like this.

Guy: I've been lame for 37 years!
Jesus: Get up and walk.
Guy: *gets up and walks*
Phillistines: YOU DID WORK ON THE SABBAAAAAAATH! *flailflailflail*
Jesus: Love > law, n00bcakes.


At this point Nat turned to me and said, "I like Jesus. He's spunky."

Say about Jesus whatever you want. Yes, he could be OCD and angry and violent and shouty. But he valued love above law and wasn't afraid to tell people, and that makes him an okay guy.

Props to Jesus for being spunky.

Tags:

Retreat to Go Forward

Today, hopefully, maybe, I made a difference in someone's life.

God, what a feeling. Waking up at 5:30 AM (that's about an hour and a half of lost sleep, y'all), driving down to the local Boys & Girls club to set up, and then...

...and then yelling and screaming and waving my arms with a big group of fellow gold-clad leaders, I tear bleary-eyed and frightened-looking freshmen from their cars (making sure, of course, they kiss Mommy goodbye) and usher them into an all-day retreat with a BANG.

Y'know, they say you get out of retreats what you put into them, and I firmly believe that. So I acted crazy (read: like an idiot) and put everything of myself into making the freshmen, our newbies, feel like part of the family. And d'you know what? I got something out of it, too. I'm now a big sister to one hundred and fifty-something kids.

I learned something today. You know that feeling that you get when something someone does just cheers you up and makes your day? It feels even better when you're the person doing the making, and you can see someone's face just light up and a sparkle come into their eyes that wasn't there before.

Did you know that you, right now, wherever you are, whoever you're with, have the power to make someone's day? You have the power to take something awful and, without much effort, turn it into something amazing. You have the power to make someone happy. And that, my good people, is something special.

Use it for good and not evil. ;-)

...why do I feel old?

The first dog I ever loved died today in California. My own doggie had a little crush on him, and I think she knows. She's been in an "I need love naow plz" mood all day.

RIP, Maxx.

Note to Self

Dear Sara,

When it's midnight and you're working on that collage for Health and the bottle of glue explodes on you and you think "Eh, I can just spread it around and glue stuff on", think again.

Now both you and your desk need a good scrubbing.

Remember this.

Love,
Your Self

A Little Note

Dear Girl In History,

While you're out clubbing at a trashy bar and getting drunk for your sweet sixteen, I will be sleeping in a cardboard box in a park downtown as part of a massive event for homeless people. I'll be having fun with my friends, too, except we'll be doing it for a good cause and quite legally.

Honestly, I think I've got the better end of the stick.

Sorry.

~The Girl Who Sits Next to You, Who You Never Talk to Voluntarily, So Why'd You Invite Me Anyway?

0_o

Me: Ugh, this school year's gonna be difficult.

Dad: Y'know, the doctors at Woodstock were all white-coated, wearing ties, the whole thing. They weren't prepared for things like LSD trips and stuff. So they had this guy come in who was tripping on acid, and they were all like, "Just breathe, meditate, inner eye," everything like that, and it wasn't working. And finally this other guy came over and asked the guy, "Hey, what's your name?" and the guy said, "My name's Bob." And it took him a long, long time, but he managed to get it into the guy's head that he was Bob, not all of the multicolored crap that was in his head or whatever, and that he was tripping on acid, and eventually he'd come down.

Me: ...?

Dad: Basically, this school year's gonna be one long acid trip, but you're Sara and you will come down.

At the time, I thought it was hilarious and a little stupid. But now, thinking about it, that may be the sweetest thing he's ever said. =P
 

Also, added a "saga of days" tag. Because it's a good idea, Pads, and I think I need one.